I slide into bed, she is already asleep. I place my hand on her belly.
I tell them both I love
Yesterday I was told my job will most likely be ending after my current contract. I started writing to people randomly with my CV. I felt slightly ill. It's all different when you have a wife and child-to-be relying on you
. So much has changed in so few weeks...
She was suspicious immediately, sure of ovulation one particularly magnificent weekend where we lay in bed making love
in the mornings. We had been trying for a couple of months, but as she'd been on the pill a long time and I had little confidence in the quality of my own offerings we expected it to take a while. There had been a couple of hope dashing moments already; "my period's started
" can be such a melancholy expression of disappointment. I didn't get too excited- at first.
A morning was set aside for the test. She woke while it was still dark, twitching with excitement.
I snored on, oblivious.
*ignore, eyes closed*
Eyes wide open like a Tarsier. Making sense of the moment when the world flipped on its head.
We are about 7 weeks in, give or take a couple of days. Barely anyone knows- her sister, and my ex boss who guessed. We won't tell until after 12 weeks. Friends have recently miscarried, it is a sad experience and one of those you'd prefer to see out together, without the concern and pity of friends and family. Keep going, move forward, try not to dwell on the life that won't be.
Parents live in a different world. Last night we both stood transfixed by the Insight
show where parents and experts argued about discipline. A few weeks ago I would have switched over.
The cats won't know what has hit them. Nor will we, for that matter.
Join me on this journey if you will. I'm a seasoned blogger, but as with family and friends I won't be announcing this project officially until this first trimester of angst is over. But you can be assured I will stick the project out, and share all the key trials and tribulations with whoever chooses to pop by.
Now, I'm off to find a copy of Father's Quarterly